4 Traits of a Manipulative Parent And How to Spot the Signs
One of the telltale signs of narcissism is the need to be in control. Manipulation is the emotional tool that narcissists activate to gain and hold onto that control.
Psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula says that in all the years she’s studied narcissism, she’s found that narcissistic parents are master manipulators in gaslighting.
Their primary goal is to offset their insecurity by controlling and manipulating others, Durvasula wrote as a contributor for CNBC.
We’ve seen the long-term effects of having a manipulative mother or caregiver. Time and time again it spills into real life and then Hollywood gives us their spin on toxic parenting.
In this article, we’ll look at the traits of a manipulative parent and how to spot the signs.
Controlling the Narrative
To every young child, their mom is their hero; their protector from the Boogeyman in the hallway closet.
She is the authority on everything and is always right. Sometimes, the line between right and wrong can become distorted. But she’s your mom, she’s never wrong, right?
When the world heard of Gypsy Rose Blanchard, it raised important conversations about emotional and physical abuse. Her story brought attention to emotional manipulation and narcissistic mothers.
Experts described mom Dee Dee Blanchard’s treatment of Gypsy Rose as the extreme version of manipulative mother syndrome and narcissistic personality disorder with no regard for healthy boundaries.
The extraordinary lengths Dee Dee had gone through, resulting in her murder, left people shocked. How could a loving daughter have her mother killed in cold blood by a man she met online?
Outwardly Lying
For those who have been keeping abreast of Gypsy Rose’s story, you’ll know the answer is not as cut and dry.
Dee Dee Blanchard subjected her daughter to years of emotional abuse, including manipulating her into thinking she suffered from a rare condition that left her wheelchair-bound. During her formative years, Gypsy Rose wasn’t given the chance to form healthy relationships and was alienated from family members.
When a parent is supposed to be a source of care and support but becomes a source of pain and anguish, that is an entirely different dimension, says human potential coach Kamini Wood.
For years, Dee Dee convinced Gypsy Rose and several doctors that her child suffered from disabilities, including muscular dystrophy, leukemia and vision impairment. They were all lies.
During her murder trial, Gypsy Rose’s attorney claimed her mom had Munchausen syndrome by proxy.
According to the NIH, Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a mental illness and is categorized as child abuse. A caretaker, most often a mother, fakes their child’s illness or symptoms to make it appear as if they are sick to gain attention or empathy from others.
Doctors say it’s hard to make a diagnosis because they need physical evidence of the abuse. Sometimes the child’s medical records give no clue. On the surface, the parent seems devoted to their kid, giving hospitals no reason to doubt them.
Gypsy Rose’s case was so enthralling that it was adapted into a Hulu series The Act. She was released on early parole this year and is pregnant with her first child.
Chronic Gaslighting
Licensed psychotherapist Dr Elisabeth Crain describes gaslighting as a form of manipulation that makes you question your reality. When a parent does it to a child, the consequences on their emotional well being and mental health are more profound.
Dr Crain told Parade that if a child finds themselves in a relationship with a manipulative parent, their coping mechanism goes to shame.
People who grew up in a home where they were constantly gaslighted, often blame themselves, thinking it was their fault.
One of the traits of a toxic parent is blaming their child for faults out of their control. Psychologist Dr Chivonna Childs used an example of a parent placing the cause of their marital woes on their children.
Alienation
Some parents are guilty of using their kids as pawns in a game of chess. Whether it’s intentional or not, parent alienation is often employed when going through a separation or divorce.
When one parent influences their children to reject another, it can negatively affect their relationship with both parents.
Although you might not be aware of it, you too could be guilty of parent alienation. Frequently criticizing your partner can cause anxiety for your child, because you’ve planted the seed of questioning the other person’s parenting skills.
Limiting contact with an alienated parent could encourage loyalty conflicts, divorce attorney Atty Bruggemann told Newsweek. It’s forcing them to choose sides.
Parents weren’t given a rulebook when their kids came along. Mistakes will be made. The key is to not repeat those mistakes. By continuing the toxic cycle, you won’t be able to break the generational trauma.
