255+ Hilarious Uncle Jokes You Can’t Miss
Do you know what’s better than dad jokes? Uncle jokes! I’ve been collecting these gems for a while now.
As someone who loves making people laugh (or groan), I find uncle jokes hit differently.
They’re like dad jokes but with an extra dash of silliness.
In this post, I’m sharing my favorite uncle jokes that’ll make you smile.
From silly puns to clever wordplay, these jokes are perfect for family gatherings, parties, or just brightening up someone’s day.
Trust me, some of these are so bad, they’re good!
Best Uncle Jokes
1. Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
2. I asked my uncle, the personal trainer, for some fitness advice. He said, “Just lift bro, no need to get all sentimental!”
3. My uncle accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. His next trip to the bathroom is going to spell trouble!
4. My uncle tried to make a belt out of watches… It was a waist of time.
5. You know, my uncle is a psychic pirate… He can tell you yarrr future!
6. My uncle got fired from his job at the bank… Turns out, his position was “loanly” and they found someone else.
7. My uncle puts on a fake beard when he plays guitar… He’s an undercover folker.
8. My uncle had to move out of his apartment above the bakery… He couldn’t loaf around all day.
9. Why did the uncle bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
10. My uncle just wrote a book about clocks… It’s about time!
11. Why did the uncle bring a pencil to every family gathering? He wanted to draw his own conclusions.
12. My uncle’s a judge, but he hates courtroom dramas… He says they’re too convicting!
13. My uncle tried to start a pun business, but it was a real groan-up enterprise.
14. Why did Uncle Joke get kicked out of the library? He kept checking out books under aliases, like ‘Sir Render Pun’.
15. Uncle Puns declared he was going to write a book on the history of puns; he says he’s already working on the first chapter, ‘Once Upon a Timeliness’.
16. I asked my uncle if he knew any good jokes about construction, he said “I’m still working on them”.
17. Uncle Joke’s favorite animal is the pun-guin.
18. Uncle Puns is so bad at telling jokes, he makes people laugh out of pity, it’s a ‘pun-ishment’ for us all.
19. My uncle decided to become a comedian specializing in dad jokes; it’s his ‘pun-tual’ career move.
20. Uncle Puns tried to make a joke about a door, but it didn’t quite open up.
21. My uncle said he was going to make a pun about a pencil, but I told him, “Don’t draw it out.”
22. Uncle Joke’s jokes are like a broken pencil, pointless.
23. Uncle Puns tried to enter a pun contest but he was ‘disqualified’ for excessive groanage.
24. Uncle Jokes told me he had a joke about a pizza, but it was too cheesy.
25. My uncle’s puns are so bad, they should be considered a ‘pun-ishment’, not entertainment.
26. Uncle Puns claimed he could tell the future; he said, “I see a lot of groan-ing in your future.”
27. Why did Uncle Joke bring a ladder to the comedy club? He wanted to take his jokes to a new ‘height’.
28. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
29. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it’s just water.
30. Why should you never throw grandpa’s false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
31. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
32. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler.
33. What do you do to have a space party? You planet.
34. Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he could not log on.
35. What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of road? A dead end.
36. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
37. What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
38. Me: “I want to write when I grow up.”
39. Dad: “Why don’t you left instead?”
40. How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
41. What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
42. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
43. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
44. The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
45. I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
46. What did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus.
47. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
48. Did you hear about the famous pickle? He’s a really big dill.
49. I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches.
50. What do you need to make a highway in an art studio? A mile marker.
51. How does Vin Diesel keep in touch with the Fast and Furious crew? On a Zoom call.
52. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
53. How much does a chimney cost. Nothing, it’s on the house.
54. Why do only some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
55. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need one to go skydiving twice.
56. How do you make 7 even? Take away the S.
57. Why is sausage bad for you? It brings out the Wurst in people.
58. What do you call a broken clock? A waste of time.
59. Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake. He was stuffed.
60. What’s an astronaut’s favorite board game? Moon-opoly
61. How do you make Budweiser? Send him to school.
62. What is Santa’s favorite state to visit? Ida Ho Ho Ho
63. Have you seen those traffic circles or driven around them? Well, they are pointless.
64. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent.
65. What did the vet say to the cat? “How are you feline?”
66. What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? “A pouch potato!”
67. What happens when M&M’s can’t agree on anything? “They reach an M-passe.”
68. What do you call a fake noodle? “An impasta.”
69. What do you call a belt made of watches? “A waist of time.”
70. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? “Traffic jam.”
71. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? “Prime mates.”
72. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? “A little hoarse.”
73. Where do math teachers go on vacation? “Times Square.”
74. Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
75. What does garlic do when it gets hot? “It takes its cloves off.”
76. What’s a robot’s favorite snack? “Computer chips.”
77. How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? “Nothing, it’s on the house.”
Clever Uncle Jokes
78. I tried to explain to my uncle how Bitcoin works. He just gave me a blank stare and said, “Sounds like you’re cryp- unc -teasing me again.”
79. My uncle claims he has an ancient Roman coin. He’s calling it the “Denarius Unc-le.”
80. My uncle’s a motivational speaker focusing on overcoming fear. His most popular seminar is titled, “Conquer Your Fears, Unc-le Yourself.”
81. My uncle started a grilled cheese food truck. He named it “The Big Cheese’s Unc-wiches.”
82. I asked my uncle why he became a magician. He whispered, “It was a trunc-le decision.”
83. My uncle’s a sculptor specializing in birds. He calls his owl sculptures, “Unc-owls.”
84. My uncle the baker makes incredible cakes. He’s known for using unc-onventional ingredients.
85. My uncle claims he can talk to animals. I think he’s just lion-uncle to me.
86. My uncle went to art school to become a painter. He says he specializes in the Unc-ean style.
87. I asked my uncle to watch a scary movie with me. He said, “Sorry, horror movies really unc-nerve me.”
88. My uncle is writing a book about all his adventures. He’s calling it, “The Unc-chronicles.”
89. My uncle sells rare books online. He just opened his own website, Unc-Bay.
90. Never challenge my uncle to a staring contest. He’s the undefeated unc-hampion!
91. How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy? She wrote about it in her diary.
92. Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren’t current.
93. I’m such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.
94. Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.
95. What did the bison say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
96. Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can’t take a yolk.
97. I’m so good at fixing things, my motto is, “If it is broke, I’ll still fix it.”
98. Were did the pumpkins have their meeting? In the gourdroom.
99. What’s the best way to save your dad jokes? In a dadda-base.
100. I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.
101. My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
102. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
103. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
104. What do you call a French man wearing sandals? Philipe Fallop.
105. Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they’re extinct.
106. I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
107. Why should you never take sides in an argument at the dinner table? Trick question. It’s the perfect time to take sides because no one’s paying attention. Bring Tupperware.
108. Who won the neck decorating contest? It was a tie.
109. Where do rainbows go when they’ve been bad? To prism, so they have time to reflect on what they’ve done.
110. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
111. What do mermaids use to wash their fins? Tide.
112. What did the skillet eat on its birthday? Pan-cakes.
113. Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work? He could drive, but he didn’t avocado.
114. I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
115. How is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry.
116. What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
117. What kind of fish do penguins catch at night? Star fish.
118. Which vegetable has the best kung fu? Broc-lee.
119. Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can’t jump.
120. I was going to try an all almond diet, but that’s just nuts.
Funny Uncle Jokes
121. I tried starting a band called “Uncle’s Debt.” We already had instruments, but nobody would give us a loan.
122. My uncle claims he can cut a tree down with one word… I guess we’ll see if he’s right about “Timber!”
123. My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. He says they’re his watch dogs.
124. My uncle went to art school just to become a sculptor… Turns out, he’s just a chiseler.
125. Why did my uncle get kicked off the pirate ship? He kept telling everyone to “say ‘argh’ and walk the plank!”
126. My uncle wanted to name his twin sons Pete and RePete. Sadly, his wife put her foot down.
127. My uncle told me he invented a new type of shoe made out of banana peels. I told him to quit monkeying around.
128. I just found out my uncle is a mime who works at the bank… He makes a killing at silent withdrawals.
129. I asked my uncle the gambler for some relationship advice. He said, “Always bet on yourself, kid.”
130. Why did my uncle the musician bring a ladder to his gig? To reach the high notes!
131. My uncle told me I should pursue my dreams, no matter how silly they seem. Then he rode away on his unicycle.
132. Having an accountant for an uncle is great, especially during tax season… He’s really good at doing “aunt-its.”
133. I asked my uncle if I could borrow ten dollars. He said, “Ten dollars? What do you need twenty dollars for?”
134. What is the cutest creature in the sea? A cuddlefish.
135. What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth? Stuck.
136. A man walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said, “Does the animal talk?” And the parrot replied, “I don’t know.”
137. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar? A little walkie-talkie.
138. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
139. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
140. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fshhhh
141. A pony walks into a noisy bar and tries to order a beer. Bartender says “I can’t hear you! You’ll have to speak up!” Pony says: “Sorry! I’m a little horse!”
142. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it could be done.
143. Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars? Because they can’t control their licker!
Dad Jokes
144. Q: Why did the nephew give his uncle a map of the world for his birthday? A: He knew his uncle had always wanted to hold the world in his “un-hands”!
145. Q: My uncle named his two pet parrots “On” and “Off”. Why? A: Because together, they make a complete “Unc-le” circuit!
146. Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle with uncles around? A: Too many cheetahs… and uncles are always trying to “un-cheat”!
147. Q: My uncle went to the bank wearing only his underwear. Why did the teller call security? A: She could tell he was trying to make an “un-clothed” withdrawal!
148. Q: What did the ocean say to Uncle Sam? A: Nothing, it just waved…”un-cle”!
149. Q: Why is my uncle like a broken pencil? A: He’s always got a point, even when he’s a little “un-point-ed”!
150. Q: My uncle started a bakery specializing in circular bread. What did he call it? A: The “Unc-loafable” Bakery!
151. Q: Why don’t they let uncles sing in church choirs? A: They keep trying to sneak in “un-hymnal” lyrics!
152. Q: An archaeologist unearthed a statue with six heads that turned out to be my uncle. Why was he so excited? A: It was the first time anyone had ever called him a “classic un-find”!
153. Q: My uncle went to art school to learn how to paint oceans. How’d that turn out? A: Turns out he was only interested in the “un-sea-scape”!
154. Q: My uncle makes furniture that’s impossible to sit on. What does everyone call him? A: An “un-chair-itable” craftsman!
155. Q: What do you call an uncle who invents things? A: An “un-conventional” thinker!
156. Q: My uncle can clap with one hand. How does he do it? A: He finds a wall and “un-locks” his inner rhythm!
157. Q: Why did the sad letter need its uncle? A: It needed an “un-velope” of love!
158. Q: Why did Uncle Steve get a job at the bank? A: He was great at handling interest!
159. Q: My uncle’s a baker. What’s his specialty? A: He’s got lots of dough, but he’s still one tough cookie.
160. Q: My uncle claimed he invented a new type of currency. What was it? A: Turns out it was just an uncle-coin.
161. Q: I asked my uncle the archaeologist to tell me about the past. What did he say? A: “I can’t talk about it, it’s behind me!”
162. Q: What do you call an uncle who’s always losing his keys? A: A key-los uncle!
163. Q: My uncle’s a photographer. What’s his catchphrase? A: He’s always saying, “Say cheese!” I just wish he’d say, “Say uncle-ese!”
164. Q: I saw my uncle slip on a banana peel. What’s he doing now? A: I guess you could say he’s… ambuncle-ance chasing now.
165. Q: Why doesn’t anyone invite my uncle to poker night anymore? A: ‘Cause he’s always trying to uncle-ante!
166. Q: My uncle started out as a boxer. What did he end up as? A: He ended up a stand-up uncle-median!
167. Q: My uncle started a beekeeping business. What does he call it? A: He calls it ‘Uncle’s Honey, LLC’. Trademark pending, of course.
168. Q: My uncle’s a musician. What’s unique about him? A: He only plays instruments he builds himself. He’s an uncle-lectic musician.
169. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his uncle-field!
170. Q: My uncle’s a mime. What’s he always getting into? A: He’s always getting into some kind of invisible uncle-trouble!
171. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
172. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
173. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
174. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? “They’re both Paris sites.”
175. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? “Sofishticated.”
176. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? “You follow the fresh prints.”
177. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? “Pilgrims.”
178. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
179. How does dry skin affect you at work? “You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it.”
180. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? “A satisfactory.”
181. Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
182. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
183. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
184. What did the ocean say to the beach? “Nothing, it just waved.”
185. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”
186. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
187. How does the moon cut his hair? “Eclipse it.”
188. What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
189. What did the zero say to the eight? “That belt looks good on you.”
190. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’
191. Where do fruits go on vacation? “Pear-is!”
192. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
193. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? “Where’s Pop Corn?”
194. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”
195. Where do you learn to make a banana split? “Sundae school.”
196. What has more letters than the alphabet? “The post office!”
197. Dad, did you get a haircut? “No, I got them all cut!”
198. What do you call a poor Santa Claus? “St. Nickel-less.”
199. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
200. Where do boats go when they’re sick? “To the boat doc.”
201. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
202. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
203. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
204. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
205. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
206. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
207. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
208. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
209. What did one hat say to the other? “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”
210. Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
211. Dad, can you put my shoes on? “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
212. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
213. What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? “Yellow!”
214. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
215. What kind of car does an egg drive? “A yolkswagen.”
216. Dad, can you put the cat out? “I didn’t know it was on fire.”
217. How does a taco say grace? “Lettuce pray.”
218. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
219. Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain? “It didn’t have the guts.”
220. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? “A meltdown.”
221. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
222. I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.
223. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
224. What does a bee use to brush its hair? “A honeycomb!”
225. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
226. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
227. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
228. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
229. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
230. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? “Walking. JK! Rowling.”
Uncle Jokes for Kids
231. Q: Why don’t they allow uncles on planes? A: Because they always bring their baggage!
232. Q: What did the ocean say to Uncle Sam? A: Nothing, it just waved!
233. Q: My uncle runs a really successful bakery. What does he do? A: He’s constantly raisin’ the dough!
234. Q: What musical instrument does my Uncle the dentist play? A: A tuba toothpaste!
235. Q: What does my Uncle the astronaut like to eat? A: Launch meat!
236. Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to his uncle’s house? A: He heard his uncle had a story about a tall tale!
237. Q: Never play hide-and-seek with your uncle in the winter. Why? A: He’s always got you covered in snow!
238. Q: I asked my uncle what he does for his sore muscles after exercising. What did he say? A: “I just ibuprofen and bear it!”
239. Q: What does my uncle use to cut his hair? A: A hair-plane!
240. Q: My uncle loves to sing in the shower. What do we think? A: We think he’s got shower-oke talent!
241. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato, just like my Uncle!
242. Q: Why don’t they trust atoms? A: Because they make up everything! And my uncle says you can’t trust everything!
243. Q: What does my Uncle the magician say when he makes something disappear? A: “Uncle you see it, now you don’t!”
Uncle Jokes for Elders
244. Q: Why don’t they trust atoms with giving financial advice? A: Because they make up everything, especially when it comes to your Uncle’s investment schemes.
245. Q: You know you’re getting old when… A: Your idea of a wild Friday night is figuring out your Uncle’s wifi password.
246. Q: My Uncle told me to try something new in bed tonight. What did I do? A: So, I finally finished that book I started last year.
247. Q: What’s the difference between my uncle and a fine wine? A: One gets better with age, the other just complains about the younger generation.
248. Q: They say money talks. So why does my Uncle never shut up about his inheritance? A: Because he’s waiting for it to talk back!
249. Q: My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. What did I do? A: So I gave my Uncle a big hug. He still hasn’t paid me back that loan from ’98.
250. Q: What do you call an uncle who’s always losing his keys? A: A key-losing uncle… Duh! What did you expect, a punchline at my age?
251. Q: I finally figured out why my Uncle is always smiling in pictures. Why is that? A: Turns out it’s just easier than explaining to everyone why he isn’t.
252. Q: You know you’re getting old when “getting lucky” means what? A: Finding your reading glasses before your Uncle borrows them… again.
253. Q: My Uncle is so forgetful. What did he do? A: He put his coffee in the microwave and forgot why, then put his keys in the fridge for safekeeping.
254. Q: I asked my Uncle for the secret to a long and happy life. What did he say? A: He leaned in close and whispered, “Don’t die young.” Words to live by, I guess.
Uncle Jokes About Sports
255. Why did the baseball player get fired? He ran 3 bases then walked home.
256. Why don’t fish play basketball? Because they’re scared of the net.
257. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? “In case they get a hole in one!”
258. What does a sprinter eat before a race? “Nothing, they fast!”
259. My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
260. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
261. Where do basketball players go when they need a uniform? New Jersey.
262. Why don’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contact sport.
263. What’s the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.
264. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes a snap, one takes a nap.
265. I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.
266. Why can’t pigs play soccer? They hog the ball.
267. Why shouldn’t you play tennis in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
268. What does a sports fan have in common with an angry chicken? A foul mouth.
269. Why couldn’t the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.
Conclusion
Well, there you have it, my complete collection of uncle jokes!
I hope these made you laugh, groan, or maybe both.
These jokes are perfect for breaking the ice or adding some fun to family gatherings.
The best part? They’re all clean and family-friendly, so you can share them with anyone, from kids to grandparents.
Each time I tell these jokes, I get different reactions – from eye-rolls to genuine belly laughs.
Remember, the key to telling these jokes is in the delivery and timing.
So go ahead, pick your favorites, and start spreading some laughter!
