What to Do When Your Child Is Afraid of Death
Being curious about death is a normal part of childhood. A family member or pet may have died, and your child may be wondering where they go, what happens to them, and if they’ll come back. Sometimes, the loss can be particularly hard on them, resulting in the child fearing death because they worry about losing someone else or dying themselves.
It’s okay to be caught off guard and not have all the answers when death discussions arise. However, if you want to ensure your child is informed while also having their fears alleviated, take note of these practical tips:
Listen and Talk Openly
During a particularly challenging time for your family, such as arranging a funeral for a loved one, discussing the death of a family member with a Pennsylvania mesothelioma attorney, or navigating a pet’s death, your child is bound to have questions.
However, when they see people upset around them, talking in hushed tones, and not speaking directly about what’s happening, they may not completely understand what’s going on. They may also not feel as though they can ask. That’s where being open and honest can be so invaluable.
Set aside time for your child to say what’s on their mind so you can validate their feelings and answer their questions. Most importantly, be prepared to revisit this topic multiple times, as some children need more reassurance and information than others.
Be Direct with Clear Language
You might think you’re being gentle by using words like ‘passed on,’ ‘passed away,’ and ‘asleep,’ but these words can be confusing. Your child might think their loved ones can come back, or that there’s a reason to fear sleep. Always use clear language that can’t be misconstrued. Be direct and use words like death, dead, and dying. Explain that when someone dies, their body stops working forever.
Acknowledge Their Fears
You want to ease your child’s fears as quickly as possible. So, when they tell you they’re afraid of death, it can be tempting to say that they don’t need to worry about that or are too young to think about it. Rather than alleviating their fears, children can think their fears are too scary or uncomfortable to share with you.
It’s never easy knowing what to say, especially when you’re put on the spot. However, acknowledgement is always a good place to start. Tell them that you understand that these thoughts are scary and that death is a big thing to think about. They may then feel more comfortable explaining why their fear exists in the first place.
Don’t Provide More Details Than Needed
Death is a subject that we don’t know everything about. We don’t know with 100% certainty what happens when we die. We also don’t know if it hurts or where we go. When faced with these questions, don’t make anything up to satisfy their curiosity or ease their fears.
Instead, you might share your family’s religious beliefs or say that everyone has different beliefs about what happens after death. You can also admit that you don’t know every answer.
Discussing death can be overwhelming for both children and adults alike. However, by being open and honest, acknowledging their fears and feelings, and not softening language that can cause confusion, you can help your children approach the topic with curiosity rather than fear.
